Guest Post – by practising frontline child protection social worker

 

As a parent involved with children’s services; we are generally suspicious of “The Social Worker”. This comes from the fear that they have the power to take our children away and it’s only natural to feel that way when our families are threatened. Social Workers are seen as ‘the enemy’, depersonalised, mistrusted, vilified and viewed with a cautious eye.

But Social Workers are human beings too. And, broadly speaking, entered the world of social work to try and help people. Some social workers find the current “risk-averse” climate and the focus on “timescales” and “permanence” very difficult to work in, because it doesn’t always allow them to help people in the way they want to.

I wanted a post by a frontline, practicing, child protection social worker, because I wanted the families who read my site to get some advice from a social worker not directly involved with their own family. I know how hard it is to listen to someone who has been responsible for taking your child away. But I also know the value of the advice that most social workers can give, and that that advice is given out of a real, genuine desire to keep families together where it is safe enough to do so.   

James – not his real name – is a qualified social worker currently supervising social workers and practising with children and families who are the subject of child protection plans and care proceedings. He has previously worked as a court appointed expert undertaking parenting assessments. These views are his own and based on his own experience. I am extremely grateful to James for taking the time to write this post and I hope it helps you.

 

I first came across Annie when I read this blog and like many readers, I was blown away by her account and the insights it gave me. We have since met when I invited her to talk to some of my colleagues in what was one of the most moving and humbling presentations I have ever seen.

When I was asked by Annie to write this post I accepted without hesitation. I write in recognition of the inspiration and hope that her brave work has given me and many of my colleagues in her journey so far. She writes honestly, speaks from the heart, and provides sound advice; I will try to do the same.

I also agreed to write this because on a personal level, I often find myself struggling to deal with the demands of my work with families. Sometimes it feels like all we social workers are doing is causing further pain and trauma to those families who have experienced and survived so much already. I hope that by writing this post I can help to redress this and enable parents to better understand and negotiate the child protection system and social work interventions with their families. Nothing gives me more satisfaction than when I or my colleagues have helped a family to make changes to improve their lives and those of their children.

In my career I have worked with parents who have been picking up the pieces of their own difficult childhood experiences, most of whom are still traumatised by what has happened to them.
I have worked with parents who have experienced sexual abuse, physical abuse, FGM, slavery and exploitation, war and conflict, neglect, and emotional abuse.
I have worked with parents whose own parents have had difficulties with addictions, violent relationships, mental illness and more, and have been unable to look after their children as a result of that.
Sadly, some of the parents I have worked with have experienced abuse from within the care system, the very alternative which was supposed to keep them safe.

My point is this; In my work I don’t think I can recall having come across a parent who has not faced and survived horrendous adversity already in their life. In my experience it is often because of the impact of this adversity that many find themselves faced with child protection interventions and court proceedings. What is frustrating is that these interventions in themselves can be brutal for parents and this is something that Annie’s experience so clearly shows. Some parents can make it through, work with professionals to make the changes asked of them and show professionals and the courts that their children will be safe; some cannot. I have only compassion for those parents who don’t manage it and admiration for those who do.

In thinking about what advice I can give to those parents who find themselves facing child protection processes or care proceedings, I am not aiming to help you ‘beat’ the system, but simply to stand the best chance of navigating through it successfully.

 

My Advice

Be honest

Many of you might have heard social workers talk about ‘openness and honesty’ in meetings or seen it used in reports. It’s concept which is very important, and although on the surface it might seem fairly simple, in reality it is complicated. Sometimes for parents it can involve talking with social workers about some of the most difficult things that have happened in their lives such as abusive childhood experiences, difficult relationships, or things which they have done in the past which they might really regret or feel ashamed of. It can even mean talking about some-thing very exposing or difficult, for example, feeling that you might not like your child.
I understand that:
a) not many people would willingly want to talk about these things
and
b) parents might be suspicious of why these things are being asked of them.
It must be terrifying to be in that situation and easy to think that social workers are looking for problems or reasons for you not to look after your children. It also must be tempting to hold back on talking about these things in order to present a better picture of yourself and your family. However the reality is that social workers are usually asking about these things to try and better understand your life and to think about how they might be able to help you as a family.

Openness and honesty are important for another reason too. When we have concerns about a child, one of the things that is most difficult for social workers is dealing with uncertainty. Often when we are thinking about whether children are at risk from their parents, we are thinking about what might be happening in a child’s life when we are not there. If we don’t think a parent is being honest with us, it can have the effect of increasing our anxiety about what we don’t know. However, if what we get is an accurate picture of what is happening, it can make a huge difference to how we think about whether a child is safe in a family.

 

Tell us if you don’t understand

If you don’t understand something that is being asked of you, make sure you tell the social worker. Scary thought maybe? Well the reality is that social work is bogged down with phrases and terminology. Often I think that social workers hide behind this because they themselves do not fully understand what they are saying. I was once at some training where Andrew Turnell (a big name in the profession) said “if you can’t explain something to a six year old it’s because you don’t understand it yourself”. I think this is a very important point. Everything a social worker says to you should be explained in a way which is VERY easy to understand. If they are not doing so then it is really important you tell them. If it still does not make sense, ask them to explain it until it does. The stakes can be very high and it is important that you understand what you are agreeing to or being asked to do. It won’t reflect badly on you if you say you don’t understand something, but it might do if you are seen not to stick to an agreement, but in reality have not told anybody you did not understand what you agreed to.

Some people have real difficulties in understanding what is happening when social workers are involved with their family and need some extra help to do this. If you think you might need some extra help then think about asking to be referred for an advocate. An advocate is somebody who can help you to understand what is happening and help you to make informed choices and decisions. They will attend big meetings with you and talk to you about them before and after. If social worker suggests you would benefit from an advocate then I would recommend you consider this. The social worker should be able to arrange this for you too.

 

Listen

Listen to what the social worker is saying and try and understand their perspective. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything, (and say if you don’t), but it is really important that you listen to, and think carefully about what they are worried about. You might agree with them and be worried about some of the same things too. Whatever the case may be, it is important that you are able to listen and think about what people are saying to you, no matter how painful it might be to hear. Often in my experience when parents are able to really listen and reflect on what people are worried about, it can be the turning point in our work with their families.

 

Prepare

Emotions can run high in meetings with social workers, and often in these situations I would guess that parents can forget what they wanted to say or the points they want to get across. The same happens for me when I am placed under strain. The best way to deal with this is to prepare some notes beforehand and take some notes at the time. It also comes back to my earlier point about understanding what is being asked of you. There is no reason why you should not take notes but if you do choose to during meetings or visits from social workers, then you might want to explain why you are doing so. It’s better to be clear about this than to leave any room for misunderstanding.

 

Ask for help

This relates back to being honest. It must be really scary to admit to a social worker that there is a problem, but if you can, try to have the confidence to ask for help with any difficulties that you might be having. This can often be the starting point for getting help and making changes. A social worker will always want to help your family and will be able to work with you to think about what you might find helpful.

 

Build a relationship

Every social worker should treat you and your family with respect, compassion and openness. This does not mean they have to agree with you on everything, but if they don’t agree or if they are worried about something, they should tell you, and do it in a sensitive and respectful way. If you don’t feel this is happening then ask to speak to their manager about it. If you do this, then as I mentioned before, prepare yourself carefully so that you stand the best chance of getting your point across.

There can be many reasons why you might find it difficult to build a relationship with a social worker. This might, for example, be to do with their gender, religion or background. It might also be because of your own experiences (maybe they remind you of somebody or something unpleasant). If there are difficulties, then have a conversation with them about it. If it doesn’t change, then consider asking for a change of social worker. Your relationship with the social worker is so important and it is vital that you feel as comfortable as possible with them.

 

Talk to us if you are anxious

If you are anxious about a social worker visiting, tell them. The prospect of having a social worker visit can, at times, I imagine, be terrifying for families. It must be so tempting at times for parents to cancel appointments. My advice is that if you are feeling overwhelmed by what is happening then rather than avoiding or cancelling appointments or meetings, ring the social worker and try to tell them about it. Not always easy I know, but they should be understanding and be able to help alleviate some of your worries about this. It will also help them to understand what is going on for you.

 

Get sensible advice

I know that Annie is a strong believer in the work of the Family Rights Group and I would thoroughly recommend you have a look at their website www.frg.org.uk.

If you are looking for information online, choose your online resources carefully as there is a lot of misinformation out there. I would recommend reading what Annie and Sarah Phillimore have said about this already on this website.

 

 

I hope this is useful and makes some sense to you. Although I am blogging this anonymously, you can contact me via the contact form on this website here. You can also tweet me: @jamesgosingSW

“How to get the best out of your family lawyer” – Guest Post by Sarah Phillimore

How to get the best out of your family lawyer.

I am a barrister of about 15 years experience, and in the last five years I have concentrated mainly on care proceedings. I represent parents, local authorities and guardians so I hope I have a pretty thorough knowledge about what goes on and how to run a case.

I have also been interested in how the child protection system works – or more accurately, why it so often fails to work despite the best intentions of the majority of those who work within it.

It is thanks to the author of this blog that I was able to turn my interest into something which I hope is of more practical help – I am now one of the site administrators of Child Protection Resource which aims to provide clear and accurate information to everyone who is involved in the child protection system.

Surviving Safeguarding and I first ‘met’ on line in 2013, when she was looking for advice in respect of her own case. We then spoke again at the time of great media interest in the sad case involving the Italian mother who was found to lack capacity to consent to medical treatment. The hospital applied for permission to perform a C-section even if she did not consent. The LA applied for a care order and her child was eventually adopted.

This case, not surprisingly, caused a lot of debate about what was going on in the child protection system. John Hemming (former MP) frequently asserts that ‘targets’ exist which encourage social workers to lie in order to get babies from loving parents to meet these targets. He and various other journalists claimed that this was exactly what had gone on here.

I have never accepted these more extreme theories; if you want to read more about why I don’t, please have a look at this post

But this case did not show the child protection system in a good light. A lot of people were worried about what was being done behind the closed doors of the family courts; a lot of people came on line in various discussion groups to share their horror stories about how they had been mistreated by professionals. A common theme appeared to be the lack of effective communication from professionals and parents’ consequent lack of trust.

Surviving Safeguarding makes the compelling point that when she was first involved in care proceedings and seeking advice, it was difficult to find something other than suggestions that she simply refuse to co-operate – or even that she should leave the country.

Luckily, what she did find was the excellent post from suesspiciousminds in 2012 “What should you do if social services steal your children”, – the first and still the best example of straight talking from a professional. Lucy Reed has also written a helpful guest post for the CPR site entitled “Who should I trust?”

What makes this approach so useful is that these lawyers understand the distinction between giving out information and communicating. Communication means ‘getting through’. It happens when information is both received and understood. It’s the difference between giving someone a leaflet about drug rehabilitation, which might go straight in the bin, and sitting down and explaining why it would help this particular person at this particular time, in language that the person can understand.

I think it really is this simple. How do you get the best out of your lawyer? How do I get the best out of you? We communicate. We talk to one another – not at one another. We make genuine efforts to understand where the other is coming from.

A tragic and dangerous gulf is widening between those who are subject to a child protection investigation and those who carry it out. By the time parents get to me in the court proceedings they are often bogged down in fear and distrust; that the social worker wants to steal their child for a bonus, that I am nothing but a ‘legal aid loser’ in the LA’s pockets.

But here’s the problem. I can’t fight your case on my own. My job is to be the person who understands and applies the relevant law to the facts of your particular case. The law and the facts must work together. I know the law, you know the facts.

If I can’t communicate to you what the law means and the law requires, I am not doing my job. But if you can’t tell me what you understand to be the facts of your case, then I can’t do my job.

I understand that it is very hard to listen to people being critical of your parenting. This hits right where it hurts. I understand the temptation not to want to engage with this, but to turn instead to a narrative that you are simply a victim of a corrupt system.

But if you come to me with that as your ‘fact’ then there is nothing I can do to help you. This is not because I am stupid or afraid to upset the LA. It is because you are effectively saying you will not engage with the process; you will not provide any other narrative to try to challenge the LA case against you.

Of course, SW make mistakes. Of course investigations can be sloppy and facts get misinterpreted or twisted. That I can do something with. Picking apart those kinds of cases is what I enjoy. But I cannot do anything with a simple assertion that the whole system is corrupt and the social worker lies.

In no particular order, here are my Top Tips on how to get the best out of your lawyer. You will see that what underpins them all is the need for good communication.

Make sure your solicitor can get hold of you
Answer your phone calls, check your messages, read and respond to letters.

Turn up to appointments with your solicitor
Your solicitor needs to talk to you. You now have a very short window of time to prepare your response to the LA evidence, about two weeks after proceedings are issued. You need to make your case now, it’s too late to make it at the final hearing, once the SW and guardian’s minds are made up.

If you can’t stay in touch or make appointments, explain why
If you are having trouble keeping in touch for whatever reason – you are worried about telling your employer what’s going on and can’t leave work, your phone is broken and you can’t afford a new one – tell your solicitor. There may be something they can do to help. But don’t leave them in the dark. Don’t give them the impression you aren’t bothered. It’s hard to fight a case for someone when you think they don’t care.

If you don’t understand or agree with what your lawyer is saying – tell them
Get them to repeat themselves until you do understand, even if you still don’t agree.

If you don’t like/trust/respect your lawyer – get rid of them
Some lawyers are better than others. Some people with the best will in the world, you won’t get on with and its not your fault or their fault, it just is. If you feel that your lawyer is not someone you can work with, you need to find someone else.
But if you sack your lawyer, be honest with yourself about why – a good lawyer will tell you thngs you may not want to hear. If you are both communicating openly and honestly with each other, these difficult conversations can be had without harming the professional relationship. If you sack your lawyer for just giving you some hard advice, this is not in your best interests. And if you do go down this road, you need to do it well in advance of any final hearing. You can’t reasonably expect another lawyer to take your case with only a few weeks to go.

I hope that makes sense and I hope it helps some people to get the best out of their lawyer. There is a lot wrong with the system, I know and accept this. But I don’t accept it exists to steal children from loving parents for no reason. You may not like the reasons, the reasons given may have been exaggerated or misunderstood – but they are THERE. If you don’t engage with them, the system will simply roll on and roll over you. Don’t let that happen to you.

Sarah Phillimore